This place is getting pretty ridiculous. Every single day I log onto Deviantart and check my messages, i am confronted by the front page that I opted to show me the newest deviations. But every time I look at these works of "art", half the images are just social crap. I see things like a picture of someones family spelling out OHIO with their arms, and then to make it better, they used PIKNIK to jazz it up! The thing about deviantart, is that its a networking site, for ARTISTS. Its not your second facebook. I know that i'm not the most guy on this site, and i only have a few watchers, and i know that none of you reading would ever consider using this as a social networking site. I just had to get it off of my chest.

Thanks for reading
John Zoidberg

so i recently got Adobe Photoshop CS2. Gotta say: cool freakin stuff.

Three new things in the last 24 or so hours. Take a look at "Toxic", "Overload", and my personal favorite, "Glass" .Sure, not the most original names, but i dont have it in me to come up with something too poetic.

They are done with something i seem to be infatuated with in photoshop, and that is the ability to create kaleidoscopes. each one of those is a perfectly square picture that's been repeated some way or another. so yeah... cool stuff indeed.

[this is the part where i try to establish some sort of meaningful last words, but like i said, me = not poetic, so i wont actually write anything]

Friday, August First, 2008. I quit my job at moulding service for a special event in my summer. Band Camp. Yeah yeah, i know. flute up the pussy, american pie.
Fact of the Matter is... that doesnt happen.

...Well... it sorta happened once. Girl got impregnated on the See Saw.... yeah... we dont go over there anymore.

for those who dont know, the Marching Band experience is a lot tougher than you would think. We need to learn music, memorize it, learn our show, memorize that, and then perform it a billion times. take that football players. dont get me wrong though. i give the football guys a lot of credit. they do have to memorize plays and get the shit beaten out of them. but we marching band kids, we perform extreme physical labor, and blend that with music in front of an audience who gives us waaaaayyyy less credit than we deserve.

This week we've been practicing at school. next week, it's off to YMCA Camp Duncan for some good fun overnight camp.

"The laughter and tears of those band kids is a sight you must see!"
-Rolling Stones Magazine
"The Drama is just absolutely to die for!"
- The New York Times
Ebert and Roper gave it "two thumbs way up!"

"Romance! Tragedy! Band Camp has it all!"


but seriously. "mean girls" wasnt lying. band kids are the overly sexually active people. but that whole bit about american pie. it doesnt happen like that, but to be the guy who sits back, and watches as a couple falls in love one night, and then literally the next day, breaks into an argument, it pays to sit back, put your feet up, and laugh your ass off.

To me, the drama is the best thing about the program. i cant get enough of it. Call me cruel, but i love to watch drama unfold and laugh at it.

in conclusion...(let's get to the point here), band camp starts next week. im looking forward to it.

(deeep breath)

to the girls!

I like sushi!
i didnt actually like your music!
i forgot your birthday!
i didnt want to buy that ring!
i actually did want to hang out with my friends that night!
i am not a sox fan!
nor am i an anti cubs enthusiast!
i couldnt give a damn about the super bowl or the rolling stones!
Your TV was a determining factor in my deciding to move ahead!
it does bother me that you were callous!
i dont think it was my fault!
i didnt have a reason!
the used now longer has appeal to me, thanks to you!
My job was the kind of place your family would go to!
the polka dot dress was hideous!
I was desperate!
i mistook a previous anniversary for our own!
i mistook a previous anniversary for your birthday!
i mistook my sisters birthday for your birthday!
i enjoy doing things that could get me maimed!
i enjoy doing things that could get me in trouble!
i would lie for you to like me!
you were unattractive!
it was a moment of weakness!
"not ready for a relationship" bitch, please!

To my friends!
Im actually a day younger than you!
i was uncomfortable when i met you!
i enjoy some of the finer things!
i dont care what you think of my music!
your jokes hurt sometimes!
after you came back, i wasnt sure what to think!
i didnt feel welcome!



To the parents!
i didnt make my bed!
i did my homework!
nothing is bothering me!
why would i play GTA?!
(that one was funny. i played Grand Theft Auto for a year without them finding out)
im trying to get a job!
im not interested in the kitchen designs!
i dont want to run your errands!
i want to be myself!
i want to do what i want!
ill be 18 soon, and then, you wont have control!

to the teachers!
my internet is dead!
my computer crashed!
my dog died!
my neighbor died!
i lost it!
i didnt understand it!
we had homework?

to myself (more confessions here)
i like rap!
i cant stand being alone!
im a little bit crazy!
i talk to myself sometimes!
i want what i cant have!
i enjoy doing stupid things!
i cant go a day without some sort of video game!

seriously. in the last two weeks ive asked like a zillion girls out and been rejected. i don't look that bad do i? thing that pissed me off the most was this girl. we walk downtown to hang out, have a good time, watch a movie in her basement, and we hold hands. (cue awww) after the movie, she kisses me on the cheek.

next day, totally avoids me. i text her, no answer. all day i text her without answers. finally, during my photo final, i text "why wont you answer me??? why???" and she texts back, lets just be friends.

you cant kiss the guy then tell him you wanna be friends! that pisses the hell outta me.

but through it all, i think im more pissed at myself for having this "perfect" outlook. ive never actually asked a girl out and been on a date before being in a relationship. i wish i could. but the girls my age dont believe it happens like that. every time ive hooked up with a girl, its been a risky sort of way, and i knew it. i do something daring that can either be received really well, or it can blow up in my face.

and now i am blaming myself. i rushed into the whole thing with a girl who didnt exactly know how to be in a relationship. and now ive ruined it. i guess by writing this, she'll somehow read it and change her mind. give me a second chance to prove im not going to rush her into anything. but its really no use. she wont read this. she wont change her mind. she wont give me the chance.

i blew the chance of lifetime with this one. i feel like i want to die.